Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
