he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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