Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeĀ
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
