Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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