What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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