this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
