he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
