Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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