Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
