dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
P.S. I can't hear my feet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
