if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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