I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
