I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
