and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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