dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
