god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Green mimosas i think yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
