oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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