whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
