I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
