I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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