he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
