We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
