So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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