i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
