You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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