And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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