just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
