3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
