Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
