I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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