Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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