We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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