dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
