I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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