i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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