The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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