Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
