wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
