we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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