he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
