I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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