I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
