sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
