discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
