Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
