there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
