your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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