Umm I'm too high to move.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
