we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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