based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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