Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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