Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
