Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
