and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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