dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
